Is Motherhood Worthy of Your CV?

At a party tonight I introduced a friend to a colleague.  When my colleague asked my friend what she did, she told her she was 'taking some time out at the moment.'  I interjected and explained that this busy, brilliant lady was currently the full-time mother of two energetic under-fives. "But it's not something you put on your CV," was the response.

Why down play motherhood?  If we were really 'taking time out;, we'd be on our back soaking up the sun in Rarotanga or the Maldives, or climbing Ben Nevis just for the hell of it, wouldn't we? Why the hell shouldn't we put 'Full Time Mother' on our CV?

Later on I mentioned this comment to my husband, who immediately agreed that Full Time Mother wasn't something that was relevant to a CV.

Well, as a pretty much full-time mother myself, this met with short shrift.  I was, frankly, shocked.

His argument was that if you're, say, an engineer, then putting motherhood on your CV isn't relevant.  In fact his words were something along the lines of "You don't put down that you've only been a mother for the past few years... Most mothers are dreadful."

Yes, and most marriages end in divorce, if you get my drift...

But seriously and without plunging off into a furious rant, should Full Time Mother appear on a CV, and if so, why?

What does it mean to be a full-time mum?

1/ Commitment
You are someone who can show full commitment.  One hundred per cent. You know what it is to give your all, and when the moment calls for it, you can be counted on.

2/ Nurturing
You care about others. You are prepared to sit and listen. You notice strengths and encourage them, you notice weakness and help others overcome them.

3/ Support
You are the backbone of your family. When the paycheck is small, you budget to feed your family and make ends meet. When someone is sad you comfort them. When help is needed, you find and ask for it.

4/ Discipline
If you don't discipline, your world comes tumbling around you. You understand the value of a strong, fair hand.

5/ Sacrifice
You have given up your personal dreams outside of having children to care for and nurture them, to support your partner if you have one, and to hold the family together through thick and thin.  When someone has to get up in the night, it's usually you.  You cook the meals, make the packed lunches and let your partner fulfil his or her career dreams while yours wait in the sidelines.

6/ Compromise
Closely linked to sacrifice.  You compromise your wants for your childrens' needs.  You compromise your dreams for your partner's career. You give up all thoughts of a 50/50 childcare split when your partner's career takes off and tell yourself 'my time will come.'

etc

So why put Full Time Mother on your CV. Clearly being a Full Time Mum has no bearing on any other walk of life you may choose to be involved in.  Does it?

I think the one clear and outstanding reason for putting Full Time Mother on your CV and expecting an employer to respect you for it, and take it into serious consideration, is point 5 -Sacrifice.  Why, after being a Full-Time-Mum, are you now looking for a job?  Because it's time for YOU again.  Because you don't want to scrimp and save for your gym membership or that new pair of shoes.  Because you'd like to meet some adults who aren't your friends AFTER your children met their children.  What does this mean to an employer?  It means you are COMMITTED. It means your heart and your soul and a good deal of your sense of self worth will be enmeshed in this job, and in the way you do it.  It means that you ARE NOT going to waste a single minute of your precious, precious time farting about on Facebook, but will spend every moment proving yourself to you and anyone else who cares to notice. You will do a damned good job and will be worth every penny (which is why they should damned well pay you a fair wage).

Yes, it might mean you have to rush off every once in a while to tend a sick child. But bet your bottom dollar you'll be giving more than most for every minute you're at work.

Motherhood. Put it on your CV.

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Here are some handy links to articles on this very subject, including tips on exactly how to play The Motherhood Element when applying for a job.

Check out this quote from this brilliant article:
"My son is dyslexic and required  educational support when younger, but my business/family stress was finally reduced  when he discovered as a teenager,  that dyslexia is an anagram for “daily sex”. That helped with his learning difficulty more than anything I ever did."

This one talks about HOW and WHEN it's appropriate to include our parenting skills on a CV. I love the part where she talks about the coaching she gave to female artists to re-frame their descriptions of themselves.  I absolutely do this - "I'm a mother to two under fives, but three days I work part-time...."    
She also says:
"A small (but related) digression: In my search for images to illustrate this column, “working mothers with children” yielded numerous photos of mothers with babies, a few mothers with toddlers, and mothers with young children – at a laptop or on the phone, but always in a home office. The images were even labeled as such, specifying “home office.” 
YES! In my own search for a photo for this blog post, I was struck by all the photos of mothers holding children while working on a laptop - doing both, or neither - or looking completely frazzled. I opted for a photo I found googling "working women" and not "working mother" at all.  

And finally, just a few good, practical tips.



© Naomi Madelin 2013

Haiku with parsnips

parents for lunch - 
Dad avoiding the parsnips

among other things

with thanks to the brilliant Michael Dylan Welch  and the introduction to  "Fifty-Seven Damn Good Haiku by a Bunch of Our Friends"

© Naomi Madelin 2013

Holiday Home Instant Upcycled Dolls' House

During a recent holiday at a seaside bach (that's Kiwi for holiday house, beach house, holiday cottage etc) I realised that I hadn't packed enough toys for my children.

My logic had been that a holiday house is an exciting new place to be, and they wouldn't need too many toys.  I could give them pots and pans to play with, they could do a bit of drawing, but most of their time would be spent playing outside or at the beach.

As it happened, the weather decided to be very changeable, and my husband ended up having to do a few hours' work every morning, leaving me to occupy the little people.  It wasn't quite the family beach holiday I'd imagined...

I've always been a fairly crafty sort of person, and as a child I loved to take old boxes and bottles and other useable rubbish, and upcycle it into something new.  There's nothing quite so satisfying as using up leftovers - and to me that includes food AND rubbish or junk.  It's good for the soul, and good for the budget.

We weren't on a completely budget holiday, but I wasn't about to go out and buy toys my children already owned at home, or rubbishy plastic ones from a dollar store that would break within a day.  Besides which, there wasn't a toy shop for miles!

So one evening, when the children had FINALLY settled down, I rummaged through the recycling bin full of cardboard, paper, platic and tin to see what my budget-conscious, creative fingers could upcycle into toys.  A doll's house seemed like a quick and easy thing to make, and something the kids would love.

Here's how I made my holiday home instant upcycled cardboard dolls' house!


You Will Need

• Scissors and/or craft knife or serrated kitchen knife (the kind of budget knife you find in a holiday house kitchen is perfect!).

• Sticky tape or Sellotape.

• A smallish cardboard box to upcycle.

• A loo roll, kitchen paper roll or other cardboard tube from your recycling bin.  Alternatively you can use the off-cuts from the cardboard box you're using for the main house.

1/ Preparation

Remove top flaps from the box, and ensure all remaining flaps are stuck down.

2/ The basic house

Use scissors/knife to cut a front door (a double door is nice), a back door and some windows.  I used the centre of my sticky tape roll to draw a circle and cut a circular window.  Try to cut carefully so that you get squares and a circle - they come in handy later!

So, easy as pie you have your basic recycled box dolls' house.

3/ Dining table

Take the circle you cut out for the window, and two squares.  Cut half way down to the centre of each square in a straight line.  Turn one piece the other way up, and slot together to make a cross.  These are your table legs.

Use sticky tape to stick the legs piece to the underside of your circle, and hey presto - a dining table for your dolls.

As you can see, the table I made was a little too high - how were these dolls going reach to eat their dinner?!

I had two options: cut the table down, or make a few DIY chairs or stools to go with the dolls' dining table.  Well, in for a penny....

4/ Cut four (or however many stools you want) rounds from your cardboard tube.  If you don't have a cardboard tube, make shorter legs using the same method you used for the dining table legs.

Use card from the flaps you removed from the top of the box, or any other recylable card you have lying around, to cut squares or circles for the seats.  I found some nice yellow card to add a splash of colour to my budget house!

Stick the tube rounds to the stool tops using sticky tape on the underside, and you're done.

A house fit for my youngest's budget dollar shop dolls (she breaks things) and her older sister's Strawberry Shortcake and friends. If your kids are into larger dolls like Barbie and Action Man, just choose a larger cardboard box to start with.  

My girls were thrilled to come down next morning and find a doll's house to play with!

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For more up-beat parenting/child related posts, see "Jumping on Castles" and "Top That: Party Nightmares"

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(c) Naomi Madelin

I am no one's wife

I’m no one’s wife.

I am me.

Recently my husband found out something exciting about a friend of mine’s husband.  “When she comes to our party we can introduce her as the wife of the foremost downwind sail maker in the world!” he effused.

“We could introduce her as herself,” I said.

I am no one’s wife.  I am me.

I am someone’s wife.  But that is not who I am.

I am someone’s mother.  But that is not who I am.

I am someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s friend.

Even taken all together that is not who I am.

I am me.

When you meet me, please remember this.

Community Parenting - I stuck my oar in.

It was pretty busy the play park yesterday, my children always opt to swing first, but since all swings were busy, we headed for the slides and tunnels, then the see-saw, then we moseyed over to wait our turn on a swing.  Pretty soon a baby swing was made available for my littlest.  Miss Nearly 4 wanted a 'big kids swing' so she waited. I'd already noticed that one child had been on the swing for ages.  His parents seemed to have no sense that others were waiting.

Another baby swing came free and as a mother approached it with her small son, another adult rushed past, grabbed the swing, yelled across the park to her friend, who brought a little girl over and plonked her in it.  UNBELEIVABLE!  The usurped mother and I exchanged incredulous looks, but nothing was said.  Aha!  These were, it seemed the parents of the endlessly swinging boy...

As the father appeared I pointed out, politely, that two little girls (there was now a queue) had been waiting a long time for a swing and that it was perhaps time to move his son along.  A minute or two later I reiterated, a little more directly, that it was time for his son to give up a swing.  The child on the next swing nobly volunteered his - even though he'd been on for about half the time - sweet chap.  One girl now swinging, one waiting.  The father was talking to his son, who did not wish to leave his swing, gently trying to get him off the swing.  It went on and on.  My patience waned.  'Just get the child off the swing man', I thought.  "Come on, time's up," I said.  Clearly we were going to be kept waiting until the stubborn child chose to get off.  So.... did I cross the line....?

I went up to the father and son, said "Come on dude, time's up" and lifted the child off the swing.  "Yes, but not forcing it," said the father.  'Actually,' I wanted to say, 'yes, sometimes forcing it. Who's in charge here.  You or your small son?'   Instead I said something about teaching children to share.  And he walked away.

Was I right, or wrong?  Did I cross the line?